


To Hell With What The World Thinks (Of Me)

by imthekingoftheocean (im_the_king_of_the_ocean)



Series: Pride Month Ficlets 2K18 [7]
Category: Trollhunters (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Light Angst, nonbinary!toby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 14:40:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15051371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/im_the_king_of_the_ocean/pseuds/imthekingoftheocean
Summary: Toby figures out that it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks





	To Hell With What The World Thinks (Of Me)

To say Toby Domzalski didn’t look like much was a fact he’d accepted for nearly all his life.It was just who he was.The kid the other kids made fun of on a regular basis.The punchline to a million jokes.He was fine with it.Really.He was.Mostly.As long as they didn’t go after Jim.Unlike Toby, Jim didn’t have such a thick skin.Toby could take whatever the world threw at him.Jim, well Jim, not as much.Mostly because of the anxiety thing.

So, when Toby figured out he was even more different than he already was, he didn’t tell anyone.Especially not Jim.His best friend had enough to worry about as it was, what with being the Trollhunter and everything.

Plus, could Toby really call himself nonbinary?He wasn’t sure how much he liked the idea of using they/them (or any other) set of neutral pronouns.Ok, he’d tried, but then he kept messing up by referring to himself mentally with masculine ones so Toby figured he’d just keep to he/him.He wasn’t sure how much he wanted to change the way he looked either.Ok, most of Toby’s clothes were picked out by Nana and that was, that was _something_ , but still, he kinda liked them anyway?Like sometimes, as much as Toby loved his grandmother, it was hard to connect with her.Letting Nana pick his clothes gave them something they could do together that was both of theirs.Sort of.

Toby’s uncertainty nagged at him regularly.

Dr. Lake was the first person to find out about Toby’s nonbinary-ness.She only did because Toby (figuring he should probably should at least try to have a more mixed wardrobe) had gone to the ladies section of one of Arcadia’s few department stores.And, of course, he’d managed to do so on the one day his best friend’s mom had the day off and decided to go to that exact location too.

Seriously, did he just have horrible luck or something?

One extremely awkward conversation that involved a quickly thought of “I’m finding a gift for Nana” excuse before Toby admitted the truth (more or less, he told her he didn’t want to conform to gender standards but not that he was nonbinary) and Toby was no closer to figuring anything out than when he started.He never took Dr. Lake up on her offer to talk about things again in the future later, either.

It was just, she may be nice and all, but she wasn’t _his_ mother.And that seemed like a conversation he should have with _his_ mother.

Toby biked to the cemetery, to talk to his parents about it and, he supposed, have a sort of official Coming Out.Even if he was only coming out to symbolic grave sites since Ralph and Megan Domzalski had never returned from their cruise and all that.

Toby, while rambling on about his identity to the headstones, wondered if his parents would accept him how he was now.Would they be fine with knowing they didn’t quite have a son?At least not one in the normal way.Though, he was fine with them considering him their “son”, regardless of the fact it was technically a gendered term.Since it was _them_ , he wouldn’t mind.Plus, what other word was there?

The fact was, Toby didn’t really mind gendered terms, and sometimes he felt kinda guilty about that.Maybe it meant he wasn’t really nonbinary?His doubts ate away at him on a regular basis.Like, he got the message that there was no one way to exist, but it still felt like there were certain rules.Sometimes.Was he breaking them, even without meaning to?He knew if he asked Jim (and let’s face it, Jim was the only person he’d ask), Jim would say he would be fine however he was just for being himself.That was ok.That was great.His best friend would accept him no matter what.That was a weight off Toby.But still, a part of Toby wanted a more definite answer.For someone to tell him whether or not he was messing everything up.

ARRRGGGHHH!!! was the first person Toby ever really talked to outright about it.

* * *

“Hmm.Nonberry?”ARRRGGGHHH!!! rumbled, clearly trying out the word.

“No, no.Non _binary_.It means you’re not in the gender binary.Like a rebel.”Toby paused, and then added, “A secret ninja rebel who know one knows about cause they look too much like…” _like me.Like a kid with weight problems who thinks he can be something that he really can’t._ “But it’s totally cool cause you can…” Toby sighed.“I don’t know.”

“Toby sad?”

“Nah.Pffft.Me, sad?That’s a hard no.”Toby took a deep breath.“Well, maybe a little.I mean I’m not _sad_.But it’s like.Everyone always looks at me and sees Toby the fat kid who’s just Jim’s friend.Like.”He took another breath.“I want to be nonbinary cause it makes me feel good and stuff to think of myself that way, but what’s the point if no one will ever see me like that?Unless I change myself or something.I even mess up my own pronouns.”

“Hmm.”ARRRGGGHHH!!! carefully maneuvered around Toby’s small room so he was facing his wingman.“Waste of a hulking brute.”

“What?”

“Let finish.Words come slow.”

“Oh, gotcha.My bad.”

ARRRGGGHHH!!! started again.“Others say ARRRGGGHHH!!! a waste for not wanting violence.I strong.I should fight, they say.But that not me.Don’t fight.Don’t want to.Unless have to.”ARRRGGGHHH!!! stopped to think of more words.“Toby good how Toby is.Don’t have to be what others think.Toby different.Like ARRRGGGHHH!!!Toby big.Like ARRRGGGHHH!!!.Big not bad.”

“Yeah, but you’re not like me.I’m—”

“Fat troll.”ARRRGGGHHH!!! interrupted.“Too big.Not enough…” he mimicked fighting exercises rather than saying as much.“Toby like ARRRGGGHHH!!!.That good.We wingman.”He stopped to think again.“Don’t let others decide you.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Toby not bad.”

“Ok, but I should change—”

“Toby not bad.”

“I mean, just a little would be—”

“Toby not bad.”

“You’re just going to keep saying that, aren’t you?”

ARRRGGGHHH!!! grinned.

Toby tentatively smiled back.“Thanks big guy.I really needed that, I think.Hug?”

They hugged.Sort of.It was more ARRRGGGHHH!!! hugging Toby and Toby trying to get his arms around ARRRGGGHHH!!!’s neck since he couldn’t really wrap them around any other part of the troll.

“So…” Toby said.“You really think I could be nonbinary?Even if I mess up my own pronouns sometimes?Or I just keep using masculine ones.Cause I haven’t decided on that yet. And I don’t think I want to change my look either?”He struck a pose.“Cause there’s no changing the awesomeness you see before you.”

ARRRGGGHHH!!! smiled.“Toby good.”

“Thanks, wingman.”Toby tapped a finger against his chin.“But I think I at least want to buy a pride flag to wear around as a cape.And you gotta promise me you’re not going to eat it.”

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
